Art-tard

Hello kids!

Sorry I’ve been gone for a whole TWO WEEKS. Mea culpa. I have been a delinquent; spending a great deal of time discussing artistic endeavours in the abstract and nursing many many hangovers. But, I will return tomorrow with a brand spanking new post and again later in the weekend with some fun projects and adventures.

For those of you that don’t know Target sponsors FREE Friday nights at the Museum of Modern Art. A spectacular bargain given that a trip to the MOMA will ordinarily run you $20 - unless, of course, you are disabled or elderly. The rest of us are screwed. That being said, thanks to Target’s branded generosity I was able to check out the new exhibit: Matisse: Radical Invention

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So, I make music; I sing in fact and I love doing it most of the time. Recently it’s been a bit stressful, mainly because as a result of smoking like a chimney for the past two years I now sound more like this than this, much to the chagrin of my bandmates. 

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So I should probably explain this whole artsy fartsy kick thing a little more clearly. Over the course of just a day I’ve already gotten a few questions asking me to clarify what the balls I have planned so I figured it was probably in everyone’s best interest to just answer all of these burning (or maybe just lukewarm) questions.

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So a month ago I went to this psychic — and listen, don’t dismiss me because I saw a psychic, it was a very interesting experience — she told me I had a broken aura and my chakras were all out of alignment. Immediately I thought “Oh! So is that why I feel like my mind is slowly seeping out of my brain, with said seepage contributing to an increasing lack of mental agility and sanity?”

Shortly thereafter I realized I had to deal with the mental seepage. It had to be done. Long story short I’m pretty sure this woman was pulling at least 1/3 of what she said out of her ass. Was I dubious? Sure! However, that did not in the least stop me from plunking down an assload of cash so that she could give me a danged crystal, some bath salts that were probably from The Body Shop and continue to do “spiritual work,” whatever that entailed. 

Prior to all of this I was starting to feel a little hemmed in, a little like a caged animal, and it’s only gotten worse. Despite the aforementioned spiritual work, meditating with crystals, meditating without crystals, long exercise routines, breathing exercises, food binges, food fasts, visits to Zen-land, visits to Crazy-town, abstaining from alcohol, indulging in alcohol, etc etc the hemmed in feeling has not gone away. I am anxious. A little crazy (maybe a lot, depending on who you ask). Bouncing off walls worse than a muppet during that “Cabin Fever” number. So what have I decided to do to rectify this? ART!! ALL EMMER-EFFING KINDS OF ART!!

That’s right kids, I am using the healing powers of culture and the arts to regain my sanity. Is this a lot to ask? Yes. Especially since most people involved in the arts tend to either be insane or be driven to insanity. No matter. I am convinced CONVINCED that this will be a game-changer. I’m going to try new things! See new things! Build things! Make things! From the sweat on my brow! I will use all mental and emotional faculties in such a way that I will either exhaust myself and perish or begin life anew! 

Listen, I may lose my mind either way but for the next…oh, let’s say six months things are going to be different, you will see. Just like…help me not go down this route:

(image via Hyperbole and a Half)

Okay, so that’s the game plan, kids. Stick around. M’kay? M’kay.

The Muppets - Cabin Fever (YouTube)